Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
