I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
