Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
