i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
