I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Of course I have a pirate flag
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
