Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
home. puking in laundry basket.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
