ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
