Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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