He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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