at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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