Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
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and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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