you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
