My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
