On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
we have officially lost it.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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