Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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