oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
