The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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