Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
