if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think your dad took our porno
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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