if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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