Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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