I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
