I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
