How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
