This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize