We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
