We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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