omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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