i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
