one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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