I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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