i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
