i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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