can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
