Joe is yelling at the trees again.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
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Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
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The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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