Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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