I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
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that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
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Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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