Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
