some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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