your thong is hanging out like whoa
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
