Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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