I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
i need some magic done to my vagina
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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