We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
If I die, sorry about rent.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
