Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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