If that was your dad, he is hot
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
