chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
