2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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