there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
When are your genitals available?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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