It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
