well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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