She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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