Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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