the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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