She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
