i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
