i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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