My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
