They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
