Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
