you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
