I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
