genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
