i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
