I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
