HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
