i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
All I want is dick and wine.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
