please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize