btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.