he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!