last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.