My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today