New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"