what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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